Wednesday, January 24, 2018

Mad Poetry - Poem One

What do I long for?
I know not but
The way I look around me
As a voyeur, I feel stifled and guilty
Wanting what?
I know not, it’s just
The way I long to walk naked
To feel freedom under
Every pore of my skin  
Until I go away in ether.
Photo by Melanie Wasser on Unsplash

This is my first post in 2018 and I felt I should begin by writing a poem. I don't know if we could seriously call the above one as a poem but I'm going to call it anyway. Actually I'm going to call these little nonsensical poems as 'Mad Poetry'. Nothing exciting happened this year as I was falling sick every now and then.

Oh....and I started working full time again. Yay....!

Haven't made any resolutions as breaking them would lead only to frustration. There's one thing that I'm sure of is I feel the difference in me, like I don't exactly know how to put it in words. It's crazy even trying to describe via words.

Meanwhile, I recently came back from a family tour wherein we went to Tirupati and Srikalahasti. I traveled via air for the very first time. I felt dizzy when the plane was taking off and my ears got blocked when I landed in Tirupati.

While returning though I didn't feel dizzy my ears were blocked again!

I think I have lots to talk but falling short of expressions....perhaps next time I'll come back with more clarity.

x

Saturday, November 25, 2017

Reflections

We are looking for a perfect match for my brother and today it was another house to look at another girl for him. I want him to be happy, so I didn’t create any fuss when I was asked to come. These social gatherings have now become a pain, because I’m conscious of being judged. It’s not like I give a damn but it still gets to you.

Today I woke up at 6:06 a.m and straight away went onto the terrace to walk. Walking is the remedy, it is my elixir now. No matter how lazy I get I don’t want to lose this habit of mine. It has brought peace into my heart and life how can I let go of it?

I have just completed reading ‘On the Open Road’ by Stuti Changle which talks about the start-up culture and the struggles faced by entrepreneurs. It’s a true story and aspiring people can take some insights from it.


The other one was ‘The Boy Who Painted the World’ by Melody J Bremen, this is written for young readers but I read it nevertheless. It was a cute story about an abandoned child who loves painting. Well, age is just a number…if you want to call your inner child just read this one!

I’m so tired of being lonely. It’s unbearable, but what choice do I have? I tell myself that it’s all temporary and it’s just a passing phase. It is not that easy. Everybody is so hell bent on making me dance to their tunes. I’m watching a lot of Brahma Kumari videos, the talks are just amazing. They stress a lot on how to work on yourself rather than point your fingers at others.

Though at times I still complain and whine now I’m able to understand that it’s all in my head. The suffering can disappear if I keep checking my thoughts. Well, it’s a herculean task. But at the same time there’s lot of scope for improvement.

Some things I do not write about but are in my head all the time. It’s time that I pen them down!

Things change, don’t they?

Saturday, November 18, 2017

18-11-2017: Reading and Reading

This week I must say has been quite productive, because I read three books. Of course, on my kindle.

Recently I was searching for Indian authors on kindle and found some new titles written by new authors. I wanted to give them a try; I was not totally disappointed though I felt they could have been a little polished. Kindle is helping me to explore budding authors and since these ebooks are freebies I can get greedy too.

The first one that I read was ‘It Happens’ by Karan Sharma.

It dealt with the age differences in a relationship. This is really a mature subject to talk about and the author did justice to it.

The second one I read was: ‘December to December’ by Debraj Biswal.

It is about first love and I felt it could have been a lot better with a little more thorough editing. Some points the author writes were really good.

The third one and my favorite: ‘The Time Machine’ by H.G.Wells.  Nope he is not an Indian author I was looking for but wanted to read anyways. It was MIND BLOWING!

I remember reading H.G. Wells long back and the book was ‘First Men on the Moon’ and after that I didn’t really pick him until this time when I read him again. His books are magic; I can now fully understand why he is called the father of science fiction. That’s about the books and their magic.

Coming to my life in general I befriended and 2 year (almost) kid named Luv, who is my neighbor Pooja Didi’s son. He is a very mischievous but likes me a lot. I started frequenting his home in the recent times to get away from my loneliness. Luv is in a way helping me to overcome it, he likes playing with balloons and balls nothing else interests him much. His dad is away in Bangalore and his mum works with HDFC Bank at Banjara Hills.

Last Sunday Pooja Didi and I went for shopping, first at Begum Bazaar and then at Sultan Bazaar. Pooja Didi came across as a very lovely person; I enjoyed her company a lot. She loves talking and gets along with almost everyone. Sunday I had a dream which kind of disturbed me to the core. I shall analyze it in detail later on, but I woke up choking and crying.

I’m not taking anything serious as of now; it is high time that I start doing so. Focusing on my strengths is all I can do; this very act is going to save me in my toughest times.


Saturday, November 11, 2017

Saturdays and nostalgia

Saturdays for me are magical; it started from my school days.  The school would operate only half-day and the other half would be spent exploring, day dreaming and much more the moment I realize the weekend is near I could feel butterflies in my stomach.

 As I grew up I forgot how I used to enjoy Saturdays, this has to change!

I’ve decided that I’ll be updating my blog every Saturday with all that I’m doing in life: reading, writing, painting and photography. These are things that I now look forward to. Life is now taking a different turn I must say as I’m looking at it in quite a different way. Though, there are times when I’m bored to death, I can see that this time is so precious it’s not going to come back no matter how much ever I crib.

I’m now more open to different things and not just thinking to stick with a career because I studied it. I contemplate about life, beginning and the end trying to come up with some stories to entertain myself. Recently I treated myself with the basic kindle; I did mention it in one of my previous posts.

I had been reading a lot, some of them include:

·         Monsoon Memories
·         Rich Man’s Poor Daughter
·         The Hungry Stones and Other Stories
·         Stories from Tagore

All these books are really good, and especially Tagore’s works are just mind blowing. It was the first time I read ‘Cabuliwallah’, the famous story by this genius and fell in love with it and other stories too. I wonder why I’m unable to come up with something so interesting as his.

Monsoon Memories introduced me to a budding Indian writer Renita D’ Silva, her descriptions of landscape and emotions are just amazing. But the suspense was a little stretched unnecessarily, apart from that it is a commendable debut. Probably, I’ll pick her books in future.

And coming to Ritu sharma’s Rich Man’s Poor Daughter, it made my eyes moist. Whatever she has written is almost every woman’s story, I could relate well to it. It must be read by everyone, not just feminists. Her struggle and the chaos she found herself from the very beginning of her life is so unfair!

There’s a lot to learn from this piece, grab it if you can.

Kindle is helping me to read fresh authors in Indian writing, it’s not like I buy these but they’re available for free. And I wouldn’t miss freebies just like that. J

I’m thinking to review books when I feel like, you got to be a pro to do it but I just want to focus on the emerging ones and keep my review to the positive side with just a teeny-tiny suggestions.


It’s not like I’ve written a book or something but just reviewing as a reader. It will do, won’t it?

Thursday, October 19, 2017

Expectation Management


I’m in my room with a dim light that has replaced the powerful tube light long back. It isn’t great but lasted long enough that I’m somehow used to its less attractive aura. Honestly, at this point of time in my life, when marriage is the utmost thing on my family’s priority list and I’m being asked to obey and follow that path carved out for me, I feel violated somehow.

I hear sporadic sounds of crackers bursting as it is the festival of Diwali, I’m not inclined to burst crackers or any other paraphernalia. I’m in a different world, far away from all these activities that tend to slow down life and make them mundane. At present I’m in a place where I’m questioning the very existence of my being, feeling utterly clueless about the happenings in my life.

In other words I’m in a fight or flight mode, I have fought till now but the result has become a deteriorating chore that doesn’t yield any result. To walk away is another question that keeps me awake at night, when my dream ends and I’m pushed back into the reality still thinking about the dream, trying to interpret it somehow to suit my sanity.

Why it is that a woman is often asked to lower her expectations: from people (which is understood) and life (which I cannot fathom). This conditioned mindset that women are inferior and must be at the mercy of the opposite sex. It is highly supported by women themselves which shocks me the most.

I feel ashamed when I’m unable to speak out my opinions: what happened to all the education that I got? I feel sick thinking about my helplessness. I’m letting this discrimination happen to me and somewhere deep down I’m coming to terms in accepting it.

I’m 24 and haven’t been working in a full time job since March this year, trying to please family so that they’d let me marry the guy I want to be with for the rest of my life. All the things I gave up never mattered to anybody, heck there’s no one who care about my feelings.

Of course, they have their reasons but you cannot force others to live a life that they’re not interested in. It’s scary when everyone comes into picture claiming that they have the best intentions for you, but when you look back in life they were hardly there.


How can it be they’re asking me to believe them when they’ve never ever gave a damn about me? Can I stay in a stressful environment for long? Or is it just my mind playing tricks?

Sunday, September 24, 2017

Sporadic art is now available!

In my last post I talked about how I had to delete my 'Sporadic Art' page, but now I'm all ready to take you to a space that has my art in place (that rhymes!). It is a normal blog nothing new or eye-catching about it but it makes me happy!

My Left Hand Art

The name of this blog is a little tongue in cheek because I was often made fun of because of my left handedness. This blog showcases the journey that my left hand took (or going through), my left had has a very low self esteem, after looking back at its journey now it knows that it was all worth it.

Today I did yoga and felt blood reaching to all my body parts, literally. We often forget our body parts and breathing, which are so essential. Yoga brings back all these and much more.

I've treated myself to basic Kindle and I must say it does what it is meant for. Hoping to read more, it doesn't strain your eyes a real treat for a book lover.

And also I started a painting long back, it is still in progress. I take a lot of time for my Paintings unlike free hand drawing that is done within minutes. Yes, I shall upload my latest doodles on My Left Hand Art .

Don't forget to let me know how you felt about it.

Cheers!

Friday, September 15, 2017

Had to delete my page 'Sporadic Art'

The page that I lovingly shared my paintings on had to be deleted, because on Blogger when you start a page you cannot make posts. Instead the same page will stick around and you can only edit that, it seemed a little awkward for me to do that. Because when I added my latest paintings the page was way too long to be scrolled down.

I, myself was going crazy when I was scrolling and scrolling so thought that my paintings must be moved somewhere else where they get rightful attention. I was thinking of venues to display them, the first one that came to my mind was instagram and ended up creating an account but the flip-side of instagram is that you can upload photos only via your smart phone. I saw no option to add the pictures through desktop.

Sigh!! Now do I need to get a smart phone just for that? you've got to be kidding me:-)

I had sold my smart phone in October of 2016 and it'll be almost an year with out it. So, how the hell did I manage?

It wasn't easy of course but surely possible. However, there are few things you can do if you're planning to ditch the smart phone:

1. Only dump your smartphone if you have another gadget that does your work of a smart phone. In my case I had my laptop and trust me I have never really used it that much hitherto but right after getting away from the smart phone I heavily relied on my laptop.

No it wasn't addiction at all, because you cannot use laptop for a longer time hence it made me to log on only when there was a real 'need'.

2. Install Bluestacks, it is a software that does the work of an Android phone. I have Bluestacks on my laptop and I use it for accessing Whatsapp and nothing else. Bluestacks is a little battery sucking software but worth it, given I don't spend much time on whatsapp just to say hi and bye. It works.

3. Right after ceasing to use Smartphone people tend to be on the social sites when browsing on desktop or laptop but they entirely forget logging on to their Net banking sites. On smart phones each bank has an app it is just a tap away.

This must be taken care of, dump these social media sites and remember to access your Net Banking to prevent locking of your account.

4. You must have heard of peer pressure right? it follows you at this stage too: everyone looks at you as an inferior being because you don't own a smartphone. It is difficult, but then again if you notice you are way more calmer than they are, you aren't agitated, impulsive or restless which are the qualities so persistent in people using smartphones.

This is the greatest difference I found in myself.

5. For people in love with clicking pictures get a digital camera, the starting range is 5k change. Trust me, you can click nicer pictures without distractions!

Here's one of many that I clicked using my Nikon Coolpix A 100 Camera:

Don't you dare steal it! It is already on my Shutterstock page.


There were times when I felt like buying a smartphone telling myself that if I could use it in limited way I can be peaceful at the same time. But I know that this won't be the case, since I've completed a year without a smartphone I developed a kind of detachment which can now be tested. I don't know, I have mixed feelings of bringing a smartphone into my life again.

Smartphone is useful I admit, because when I had to travel to a new place I had to write down the directions on a piece of paper and ask people for guidance. Well, instead of guiding me people have replied to check it on the 'maps'. Ha ha...funny!

May be I should wait a little longer, I can see that prices are just going to go down. So why waste money right away? :-P

Jokes apart, do get it if you need it. I don't have the need for now.